Friday, April 30, 2010

I Did It My Way...



So it’s finally time. Time to say goodbye to the fans, to the blogosphere, to my relatives, to my Dad’s Facebook friends and to the perverts who read this thinking it is really written by a 1-year old. I’m retiring.

Yes, it’s been a ton of un availing you of my madcap misadventures and the daily travails of an infant. But it’s time we all moved on.

I’d tell you it’s because I’m no spring chicken, but I kind of am. I’d tell you I’m just not that interesting, but I kind of am. I’d tell you that there is nothing new, that I’ve done it all before. That would be a lie. Just yesterday I used a fork to feed myself a chunk of delicious bbq salmon. It was a spectacle to behold.

Let me put it as delicately as I know how – it’s not me, it’s you.

I’m just not getting enough out of this to continue. The adulation, yes, it’s nice. The exposure, sure, it’s great. The money and gifts from my adoring fans, of course, that’s a nice preq. But beyond these things what am I really getting out of this?

In the meantime you have gotten an uproarious little window into my childhood excesses. The crescendo-like highs – as when I rolled over for the first time, and the depth of despair lows – as when I freaked out at the Cubs game. And for these epic descriptions of personal moments, what have I received in return? A Pulitzer? No. A Webby? No. All I’ve gotten is the infant version of carpal tunnel and people I don’t even know calling me ‘N – eight’. N8 is shorthand for Nate – not ‘N – eight’. Do you know how many times I’ve had to smile when some wise ass asks me ‘what happened to N – 7?’ Ha, ha. Very original.

So this is my last blog entry. Drink it in chillin’s. The next time you’ll be able to partake of my creative stylings is when you buy part 1 of my autobiography, which I expect to be publishing shortly after my sixteenth birthday.

If there is any good news in Mudville it’s that I haven’t blogged in so long I have a lot of ground to cover.

The first thing I should mention is that we went on a family vacation to Utah. Apparently we do this every year with the Haller family but we missed last year because I was so little. It’s a chance for my Dad and his friend Karl to prove to themselves that they are still badasses on a snowboard and are not yet totally over the hill. Of course they take more days off than they used to and they take more Tylenol than they used to, but they are not bad for being in their early forties.


I didn’t get to snowboard this year. I’m not ready yet. As soon as my legs are strong enough to run up a flight of stairs I’ll be ready. I’d like to tell you I’m looking forward to it, but I will admit, that mountain looks kind of high. I mean I guess its no Mt. Kilimanjaro, but 9,500 feet is pretty far up there – right? I rode the gondola up to the base lodge with my buddy Grif to get a good look and it was pretty tall. It did look pretty fun though. Maybe one day I’ll be the next flying tomato.


The whole time there was pretty fun. Me and Grif played almost every day. Grif’s a little older than me and he’s super cool. He doesn’t really know that I can’t say too many words yet so he just thinks I’m kind of funny. I’m about as tall as him and since I’ve been walking for a while we just ran around the apartment together. One time I got a little too excited and bumped my eye on the coffee table. I didn’t really mind too much, but Mom got kind of worried that someone would call Health and Human Services – whatever that is.


Here’s the bad part about our vacation – Delta airline screwed up really, really badly, cost us a lot of time and money and would not compensate us for it. ON the way home they messed up while de-icing our plane. The delay taking off caused them not to get back to NY before a storm came. We were diverted in mid-flight to Minneapolis over night. They refused to pay for our hotel or anything. We got home a while day after we were supposed to. I’ll tell you it wasn’t that easy for me or Grif. My dad wrote there President a letter, but they still wouldn’t do anything. I think he’s going to file a complaint with the FAA or something. It was pretty bad.


What else has happened? For starters a bunch of people have come to visit us. My grandma came back from Chicago to visit us for a week. It was great. I really missed her. We played and played and played. She taught me a whole bunch of words and expressions. I don’t always remember them but I know I’m supposed to raise my hands over my head when they say ‘So Big!’, point when the say ‘ET phone home’ and squeeze my fingers when they say ‘Bye, bye’. I have only a little idea about what they might actually be talking about but that’s okay. I like being part of the gang. There was a new park that opened by our house and even though it was a little chilly out still Grandma took over there a bunch of times to swing on the swings. Those swings are awesome. And I think the most interesting part was when we went to the museum and saw dinosaurs! I thought those things were just in books. Imagine my surprise to find out they were real and now they are gone.


My aunt Heidi came over and she brought her two dogs. That was fun too because I got to pet them. I know that I’m supposed to stick my finger out so they can smell me before I pet them. I learned that when my cat Paloma smacked me on the head. I didn’t even see it coming. She just went ‘bonk’ and I was like ‘what the heck just happened?’ It didn’t hurt. It didn’t even make me cry. I was just really surprised. Anyway, now I always let them smell me. It works better that way.


And finally a bunch of Moms college friends came over for a weekend. That was Shangrila. Can you imagine - six or seven ladies that all want to pick you up? The only time I really hit the floor was when I was walking from one lady to next. They kind of had a party. Mom said that one lady had a baby in her stomach and so everyone wanted to say hi to it. I’ll tell you, I don’t remember anyone saying hi to me when I was in mom’s stomach. If you want to know the truth, if it weren’t for the pictures, I wouldn’t even believe that I was in my Mom’s stomach. I mean how strange is that? What would I be doing in there? Anyway I always love it when people come over. It’s pretty fun.


And so summer is on its way. My nanny Annette has been sneaking me ice cream on the sly. That ice cream is pretty tasty. It might be one of the best tasting foods I get to eat. I mean Grimaldi’s pizza is nothing to sneeze at, but this ice cream stuff is pretty good. I hope I get to keep having this all summer. I promised Annette not to tell Mom or Dad.


So that’s about all… This is the final thing I have to say:

And now, the end is here
And so I face the final curtain
My friends, I’ll stay it clear
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain
I’ve lived a year that’s full
I traveled each and ev’ry highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way.


Farewell.

N8

Saturday, February 27, 2010

One

So Happy Birthday to Me…

I am now the ripe old age of one year old. That hasn’t stopped my parents from quoting my age in months and days to whomever should ask, but it feels much more substantial to me than say a half year or nine months. One says to the world that I’ve been around the block both figuratively and factually.

So what did I do to celebrate this fantastic occasion? Did I trip the light fantastic? Did I party down with some 18 month old hotties that live in the building? Did I O.D. on sugarless lollipops? No, not really.

Actually I was kinda low key. My relatives came over. We had a little cake. We sang a song or two. I tore some wrapping paper off some stuff. It wasn’t like, say, Christmas or anything. Now that was off the hook! Here’s a couple pictures:




Big huge birthday celebrations are for the insecure. At least that is what we, who have small celebrations, like to think. Oh to heck with it! I don’t know who I’m kidding. (Gasp) I didn’t have a big huge party. I didn’t go to Chucky Cheese. I don’t know why… ask my parents. Maybe I’ll be thankful that I’m grounded and not self-absorbed when I’m like twenty, but darn it… where’s my clown? I wanted a freakin’ clown!

Breath. Okay breath. Alright, alright, I’m back under control. It’s okay. I’ll be okay.

So what did I get for my birthday? Well I got some clothes for our upcoming ski trip to Utah. I got a couple of new toys. My Dad wrote me this corny poem:

N8 Turns One

Listen up, listen here, and pay attention my son,
I will recite for you
A slew of things that I had done, (and a couple other things too)
In the days leading up to that faithful day,
I finally hit age one.

I jostled with pirates,
Grappled with Indians,
And weathered the Arctic cold,
All by the time the day finally came
That I turned one year old.

I battled with Samurai,
Swam with octopi,
Took a trip around the sun.
Sure it was harrowing; of course it was fun,
And it happened before I was one.

I helped avert two world wars,
I rode a rocket ship to Mars,
Yes I was young, but I was bold
Yet still I did what I was told
And all of it before the calendar rolled.

I ran a marathon, wrestled a python,
Hosted a telethon and split a neutron.
As a newborn I once whipped a dragon - oh man did that thing weigh a ton!
And there is plenty more where that came from.
I could go on and on, before I’m done,
Because I did a lot before turning one.

Okay, some of these things I did,
But some, I never did do.
A couple things you can proudly say,
‘Yes, I did that too.’
And some other things I’m still working on
Even at age 42.

Happy Birthday N8
Hope today was GR8!

So, I guess that is something. Thanks Dad. Two words: Freakin’ Clown!

I went to the doctor, because I’m one now. They drew blood and gave me another jab. I can’t say I liked that too much, but I came through like a champ. Here’s the vitals:
  • Height - 98th percentile at 32 inches (this was taller than my Mom and Dad thought, and is still somewhat baffling as they are vertically challenged).
  • Weight – 76th percentile at 24 pounds 11 ounces (this was a pound lighter than I weighed last Saturday – which is just weird. Maybe that was before a big poop or something.)
  • Head circumference – 39th percentile. Hmmm. I still have a pea head. I guess that’s better than a balloon head.
So that is the haps. I’m hear. I’m one year. Get used to it!

All for now,

N8

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentines Day

Hello,

I’m in the doghouse again. I didn’t file a follow-up report after Christmas talking about all the cool stuff I got.

I did get some great stuff. Stuff I’m even still playing with today. I had a great time at Christmas. Trucks, tractors, telephones and a cool green box. All the people. All the food. It was as good as Thanksgiving except with the added goodness of gifts. I slept great that night and for several nights after. Christmas really was great.

So why didn’t I write? I thought about it for a week. In truth, I just didn’t have anything more to say. The build up was great. The follow through was kind of anti-climactic. So sorry about that.

Let’s talk about Valentine’s Day. Now some will tell you that it is a Hallmark holiday and I wouldn’t disagree. But… its intentions are pure. It make’s us think about Love, Life, Relationships. It makes us remember what and who is most important to us.

So I went with it. I made a card for my Mom, who I love most. Here’s the picture I took with my Dad (who I love second most) for the card. Pretty nice right? I went out and bought my Mom some truffles from Jacques Torres. After all, Mom’s like chocolate. I can’t say that we all sat around singing Cum-Bay-Yah, but it was nice. You know, I’m a little too young for anything romantic, but in a couple years… can’t you just see me making the moves on some three-year-old hottie.


So a couple things coming up... My birthday is in a week. I can’t wait to finally be one. It’s kind of hard being ‘none’. You just don’t get the respect you deserve, when you are none. So that’s coming up. And I am going on my first ski vacation in early March. I don’t know how to snowboard just yet, but I’m looking forward to it. Ever since I learned to walk, I’ve been looking for a way to move even faster.

Oh yeah… I kind of forgot to blog that. Yeah I learned to walk. I know it was a little early but I’m a man on the move. You can’t keep me down. I was just about ten and a half months before you could call it walking, but I have progressed pretty well since then. Sometimes I look a little drunk, but I can go anywhere I want and I can bend down to pick things up. It’s nice to be able to walk.

So that is what is happening. Nice to be in touch with my peeps. Will blog again soon.

Love,

N8

Sunday, December 20, 2009

It's The Box That Counts!

Okay, ready? Let me just start out by saying... YEE-HAW! Man I love this time of year.

Andy Williams is right when he says, 'It's the hap-happiest season of all. With the kids jingle belling, and everyone telling you "Be of good cheer". It's the most wonderful time of the year!'

I admit, I don't really know what 'jingle belling' is, but it sounds great right?

So I must tell you that lately I have been having fun like nobody's business. Packages have been poring in from around the United States for me. I have been getting Christmas cards from my friends.

Like the other day - this box came. I don't even know what was in it, but man we had a great time playing with that box. Check this out:


video

Here's a Christmas card I got from my friend Grif:


Man he's clever. I wish I'd thought of that. And look at that rubber duck. It's just perfect. Let's see, how about if we changed that to Merry Natemas? Hmmm... Well, maybe not. Anyway, thanks for the card Grif. You rock!

And of course it looks like it is going to be a White Christmas. I'd say 'Just like the ones I used to know', but I don't really know any others... so I guess I'll just have to wait until next year. Anyhoo, it snowed last night and it finally stuck. I mean I've seen snow before, right after I was born and once from an airplane a couple weeks ago. However, this is what I'm counting as my real first snow. That's because this time I touched it and it made my feet as cold as ice cubes. Yup, this is for sure the one. I must tell you that snow is pretty cold. I don't know all the facts yet, but maybe (just maybe) we should lighten up on the global warming conspirators out there. Like I said, just a thought.

Okay... so here's the crunchy goodness of it all. I live by this hill and all the kids like to go sledding on it when it snows. Bright and early this morning my Dad popped out of bed came running into the living room and yelled out, "Let's go sledding!"

Of course I don't have a sled. But my crazy Dad went running into our Nanny's room and came out with a brand new sled! He said, "Merry early Christmas!"

You should see this baby. It's blue with a buckle in and a seat. It is just perfect for me. Oh wait.... see for yourself. Here's a picture of the action:


Dude, we totally got to make fresh tracks. It was awesome. A couple minutes later, everybody was there. And the hill got smoothed out quick. I guess you could say my Dad knows what's up.


Now that we are finished sledding for the day, I wonder what else my Dad's been hiding in our Nanny's room? If I find out I'll let you know.

Merry early Christmas,

Love N8


Sunday, December 13, 2009

Read All Ye Faithful

Alright, alright, alright already!

I've been taking quit a bit of heat for not blogging more frequently. It's coming down from everywhere - grandparents, aunts, even distant relatives. You would think that I'm the second most interesting person in the world after that Dos Equis guy.

Okay, so I'm not exactly a daily blogger but Jeez! I emphasize quality over quantity - always have. Plus, if there is one thing that I've learned in my short time on this planet it is that I'm much more of a doer! I'm not a 'contemplate your naval type of guy'. All you need to do is read about my past adventures to know that.

But you know, I'm also a people person. I strive to entertain and to please those around me. So with that in mind (and to shake off the blog fuzz out there) let me once more into the breach!

To begin, let me tell you I have single handedly pulled my parents into the holiday spirit. (Aside: does that last sentence conjure up a visual for you of me pulling my Mom and Dad with one hand like Popeye to some holiday nether-region? It does for me. It's funny right? Heh, heh.)

popeye.jpg


I'm not saying my parents are total wet rags, but hey once that last bite of turkey passes the gullet, we in the diaper set put on our X-mas game faces. First thing I did was book a couple of tickets to Boston (for the day) to meet up with my Mom's friend Cindy to do some Christmas shopping. They have a new baby girl named Hannah, who I have never met I and I wanted to say hi! She's kinda cute right? I mean... you know, not in that way - as far as babies go she's cute. That's what I meant. Just between you and me - I do love a girl that plays hard to get. So she's got a shot, you know, if she happened to be interested.


Of course we didn't do that much shopping but we had a good time and started out the holiday season on a good foot. By the way, my fourth airplane trip. I don't know what all the fuss is about.

Next thing I did, as you know, was schedule an appointment to meet with 'Ol Saint Nick. That was part of my last blog. I personally think it crucial to deliver your wish list in person. You can't be to careful these days with the postal system and the elves. If my letter got lost and I got the short end of the stick then all that time I spent being good... down the tubes. That's just not a risk I am prepared to take.


So I bellied up to the big man and I said, "Santa baby... here my list." And I read my letter and reeled off what wanted.

Dear Santa,

My name is Nate. I live in Brooklyn and I have been a very good boy. Please procure for me:

1) A ride on a pirate ship (with real pirates).
2) A pet elephant.
3) A robot - to help me clean my room.
4) My two front teeth (my Dad told me to ask for that).
5) A rocket ship I can use to fly to the moon.
6) My very own alternate universe with monsters, avatars and fairies.
7) A bigger bath tub.

Thanks and I'll be sending you a registered copy with a cc: to Mrs. Clause.

Love Nate.

Third, I dragged my Dad and my nanny Annette to get a Christmas tree. My Dad said, "No, it's too early." My nanny said, "No, It's too cold outside." I said, "Man up and let's go!" So we went to our favorite Christmas tree place. My Dad says he's been going there for years. We picked out a tree that was 10 feet and 5 inches. I had measured how high the ceiling was before we left to make sure that we got the biggest tree possible.

It ended up being a lot of fun and it was easy to pick out my very first tree. The one we purchased kind of looks like one of those trees from 'Whoville'. You know Whoville is the city that the Grinch tries to steal Christmas from. The tree is king of tall and skinny. It's cool!

We put it up on Friday and then the next day we decorated it with lights and ornaments. I looks pretty good. Check it out.



Tonight I am orchestrating a cookie and cake baking session between my Mom and her friend Joelle. It should be fun as well.

So as you can see, I'm a big fan of Christmas and I'm going to make sure that for my first time thru we don't miss a trick. I'll admit, I still have some shopping to do, but I'll tell you it's hard getting away from my Mom and Dad. I have been pretending to take these really long naps and then I have been sneaking away. I haven't been caught yet, but it's hard to shop in 1 hour increments.

Alright, for the time being, you have been blogged. Let me leave you with a verse of my favorite Christmas carol 'Fairytale of New York'.

Love, N8.

'Fairytale of New York'
...When you first took my hand on a cold christmas eve,
You promised me Broadway was waiting for me.
I was handsome, you were pretty -
Queen of New York City; when the band finished playing we yelled out for more.
Sinatra was swinging; all the drunks they were singing.
We kissed on a corner;
Then danced through the night.
And the boys from the NYPD choir were singing Galway Bay
And the bells were ringing out for Christmas day.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving

Hello To My Dearest Blogosphere…

So, I had my first Thanksgiving and I can see why this holiday is a lot of people's favorite (including my Mom).

  • My Mom and Dad are off of work – good.
  • Lot’s of people come over – very good.
  • Delicious food to eat – excellent.
  • A football game or two – good.
  • Our holiday story – well I was sleeping for that one, but I’ll catch it next year.

We started out the day going over to visit my Mom’s friend Erica. She lives in a building on Central Park West on the 9th floor. I didn’t know this, but there is a parade that goes by her apartment every year on Thanksgiving. I think they said a woman named Missy throws it. Anyway, all the biggies are at the parade… Sponge Bob, Buzz Lightyear, Dora the Explorer. We are talking luminaries of the cartoon set. They go right past Erica’s window and they are bigger than life. Wow! I barely noticed that my friends Sam and Phoebe and Casey were there.

We didn’t stay too long. My Dad gets real uptight about putting the turkey in the oven on time. He’s a super duper cook, but sometimes he goes overboard about timing and organizing. I say, ‘So what if the potatoes get done an hour before the turkey?’ Dad doesn’t agree. Anyway we stayed long enough for me. I'll admit it, I needed a nap. When we got home I crashed for over two hours while my Dad and Mom worked like crazy to make it seem like everything was no sweat at all.

When I finally woke up everybody started coming over. That’s totally great because let’s face it – they are really coming over to entertain me. And that is exactly what they did. My Aunt Heidi brought me a new toy train. It's awesome. My Grampa Hugo played the hidden nose game with me. He thinks I like it, but I’m just humoring him. At just over nine months I’m way too mature for that by now.

Then came the food. I ate like a P-I-G pig. It was great. I mean a lot of that stuff I had never tasted before. I just love eating 'grown up' food. I had little pieces of turkey with gravy, stuffing (my Dad made three kinds), vegetables (my Mom made those) potatoes. There was cranberry sauce, butternut squash soup, salad – the works. Then later came the pie. We had pumpkin and pecan pies and vanilla ice cream on top. I got a little taste and a fantastic sugar buzz to go along with it. You know how my arms get going – swaying back and forth - when I get excited. You would have thought I would take to flight after that. Yaa Hoo!

Eventually everybody went home and I went to bed. My Mom and Dad cleaned up… well mostly my Mom did and when I came into living room the next morning, the place was back to normal.

Now that it is over I have started making my list of what I want for Christmas. Christmas was another holiday I hadn’t really heard too much about. I think my Mom and Dad must have been keeping it on the down low. But my Grandma Jenny sent me this book about it. It’s called ‘The Night Before Christmas’. So now I’m fully clued in and I'm psyched. To me it sounds a lot like Thanksgiving except with presents. I decided I’m gonna post my Christmas gift list on my blog as well as sending Santa a letter at the North Pole. You can’t be too careful about this.

Until I get that list up, here's a little something from my Christmas photo shoot. I don't want to brag, but this is me and the Big Man.

And finally, here's a little Christmas advice – if you are naughty, don’t let anyone else see.

Love N8.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

What's So Funny?

I've been meaning to post this for a couple weeks.



Love,
N8
video